Reader

We are constantly reminded that people hire consultants they trust.

My understanding of what is meant by a trusted relationship started early in my consulting career during a conversation with a PricewaterhouseCoopers (PwC) partner. After the two of us met with a client, the partner asked for a few minutes of my time. He was concerned that “I was a little too honest.” He felt I needed to be more aware of what it took to build and maintain a meaningful relationship with a client.

I apologized to the client. However, her response was not what the partner or I expected.

She explained to both of us that it was refreshing to work with someone who was "honest and blunt" because directness worked best in her organization’s culture. She had no concerns about my approach and it was her trust that subsequently led to add-on work.

That was the day I learned several valuable lessons about trusted relationships.

I realized that I had not been too honest, but my communication style was too sharp. I have since refined my delivery style when conveying difficult messages, but my commitment to honesty has never wavered. Building trust requires honesty and the ability to deliver difficult messages with consideration for how another person might receive them.

I also began to recognize how the relationship between what I said, how I acted, and how others experienced working with me was key to building trusted relationships.

The words I chose established my credibility. My actions demonstrated my reliability. And how I treated the client influenced her experience and how she felt about working with me.

All three contributed to the development of trust and confidence in me.

Consulting Is a Relationship Business

As independent consultants, we bring our expertise, experience, and professional judgment to the people we serve. Those capabilities matter, but they do not automatically establish trust. People need confidence in how we apply that knowledge, fulfill our commitments, exercise judgment, and collaborate in partnership with them.

Yet even consultants with considerable expertise and an impressive professional background can struggle to develop trusted client relationships.

This confidence is developed through the consistent alignment of three interconnected behaviors: Words and Images, Actions, and Feelings.

Each behavior demonstrates essential qualities that influence how another person experiences working with us.

Behaviors of Building Trust

Words and Images: Credibility and Competence

Our words and images communicate what we know, how we think, and how we approach problems.

Articles, presentations, conversations, diagrams, and the perspectives we share help others recognize our expertise and develop confidence in our professional judgment. They establish credibility and provide evidence of competence.

However, being recognized for your expertise is not the same as having a trusted relationship.

Have you ever received a strong recommendation for someone, only to feel uncertain after meeting them? Their qualifications may have been impressive. Their experience may have aligned perfectly with what you needed. Yet something about the interaction left you uncertain about moving forward. Perhaps the chemistry wasn't quite right, or you questioned whether you would work well together.

You recognized their competence, but you were not yet comfortable placing your trust in them.

Our words and images can help people understand what we know and establish our professional credibility. They can create opportunities for relationships to develop.

But they cannot, on their own, demonstrate how we will behave when circumstances become difficult or whether another person can rely on us.

That requires more than words and images.

Actions: Reliability and Integrity

Our actions demonstrate whether our behavior is consistent with what we say.

When we make commitments, fulfill them, communicate openly, and take responsibility for our decisions, we give other people reasons to believe they can rely on us. Reliability builds confidence through consistency. Integrity demonstrates that our decisions and actions reflect our principles and values.

But integrity involves more than fulfilling commitments or doing what someone expects.

Sometimes it requires challenging a client's assumptions, communicating an unwelcome conclusion, or acknowledging that we are not the right consultant for a particular engagement.

In those moments, maintaining a positive relationship does not mean agreeing with the other person or avoiding a difficult conversation. It means exercising professional judgment while remaining true to our principles.

Our actions provide tangible evidence of whether people can depend on us, particularly when doing the right thing is not necessarily the easiest course of action.

Yet reliability and integrity, although essential, are not the only qualities that influence trust.

Feelings: Genuineness and Authenticity

Feelings are often the most complex of the three behaviors. Feelings concern how we relate to others and how they experience working with us. They involve empathy, self-awareness, and the emotional intelligence to recognize that our intentions and another person's experience of our behavior may differ.

Being genuine and authentic requires us to remain true to ourselves while recognizing that the people we work with bring their own perspectives, expectations, concerns, and experiences to the relationship.

We may believe we are communicating honestly and acting with integrity, but how does the other person experience our behavior?

Do they feel respected? Do they believe we listen to and understand their concerns? Can they express an opposing opinion without wondering whether doing so will damage the relationship?

And when we make a mistake, do we acknowledge it, take responsibility, and address the consequences?

These are not simply matters of professional courtesy. They influence whether another person feels comfortable relying on us, particularly when circumstances become uncertain or difficult.

Being authentic does not mean disregarding another person's feelings or insisting that others accept us exactly as we are.

It means remaining true to ourselves while demonstrating genuine respect and consideration for the people with whom we work.

Trusted Relationships Require All Three

Words and Images, Actions, and Feelings are interconnected. When they reinforce one another consistently, they create the conditions in which trusted relationships develop and strengthen.

My experience with the PwC partner did not change my commitment to being honest. It changed how I thought about communicating that honesty and how others experienced working with me.

Here is my question for you:

When you consider the relationships you have developed with your clients, how consistently do your words and images, actions, and the way you make people feel reinforce the trust they place in you?

Until next time,

Laura Burford

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• ​The Business Core Snapshot: A short assessment to help you look at your Focus, Ideal Client, and Service Offering and identify where your business foundation may need more clarity or alignment.
• ​The Independent Consultant’s Blueprint©: Your guide to confidence and building a successful business.
• ​The Consultant Assessment: An assessment of the five blueprint pillars to help you understand where you are today and what to focus on next.
• ​Seven Strategies to Stand Out as an Independent Consultant: Practical ways to become the "Go-To" expert you want to be.

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Have a question? Send me an email at Laura@lauraburford.com.

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