Reader,

When group discussions turn to creating clients, building relationships, or validating who is your ideal client, one exchange tends to come up repeatedly—and the conversation often comes full circle.

Whether building a business or exploring what’s next, a colleague from the past could offer a perspective you hadn’t considered, share a new insight, or introduce you to someone who needs your expertise.

I understand that discomfort.

Believe me when I say I get it. I remember the first time I needed to reach out to a connection after a long silence. I hesitated. I had an uneasy feeling in my gut. I didn't want to be perceived as the person who only appears when they need help. The awkward truth—I was reaching out because I needed help. The discomfort was real.

One way to reduce some of the uneasiness is simple: Don't wait until you need something to reconnect.

Reconnect when there is no agenda. Reconnect when you don't need an introduction, information, or a favor. Relationships matter. They take work to maintain, and losing touch happens.

Then, when the day comes that one of you can help the other, asking does not feel as though you are suddenly appearing after years of silence because you need something.

As we move into the last third of the year, this may be a good time to think about some of the professional relationships you have allowed to drift.

Drifting Happens

Professional relationships rarely disappear because someone made a deliberate decision to end them.

More often, circumstances change. Someone accepts a new position. Responsibilities, professionally and personally, change. Professional interests move in different directions. The situations that once brought you into regular contact have disappeared.

Life simply moved on. Until suddenly you realize it has been two years, five years, or perhaps much longer since you last spoke.

That doesn't mean the relationship had no value, nor does it mean it cannot have value again. It simply means you lost touch.

In an older version of this article, I placed more emphasis on apologizing for losing touch. Today, I look at that differently.

If you failed to follow through on a commitment or repeatedly ignored someone's attempts to contact you, an apology may be appropriate. But two professionals whose careers and lives took them in different directions do not necessarily owe one another an apology.

That may be all the explanation required.

Reconnecting May Still Feel Uncomfortable

Accepting the fact that relationships naturally drift doesn't necessarily eliminate the discomfort you experience when crafting an email or calling a person you haven’t spoken to in years.

You may wonder whether the person will remember you, whether too much time has passed, or whether your message will seem out of place.

That discomfort becomes even greater when you need something and you might wonder: “Will they think I'm only reaching out because I want their help?”

Perhaps.

That was what bothered me when I reached out to a long lost contact after years of not speaking. I was concerned the person might wonder why I had suddenly appeared. I knew the answer: I needed assistance.

That experience changed how I think about maintaining professional and even personal relationships. Maintaining valued relationships is part of life. That is a point I try to highlight whenever the discussion turns to the question - “Why would I reach out to old contacts if I don't need anything?”

For independent consultants, maintaining valued professional relationships also matters because Consulting is a Relationship Business. Reconnecting with a past connection doesn’t need to occur because you have a business objective. You can contact someone because you valued the relationship, are curious about what they are doing now, have something useful to share, or simply realized that way too much time has passed.

In other words, the relationship itself can be the reason for reaching out.

Reconnecting Does Not Need to Be Complicated

If someone comes to mind, don't make reconnecting more difficult than it needs to be.

Acknowledge that time has passed. Make the message personal. Show genuine interest in what has changed for them and share enough about what has changed for you to restart the conversation.

You don't need an agenda. You don't need to ask for an introduction or a favor. The objective is simply to reconnect with someone whose relationship you valued.

Of course, sometimes you realize you need help from someone you haven't spoken with in years. That happens. When it does, be straightforward about why you are reaching out, respect their ability to say no, and make helping you easy. More importantly, don't let the relationship disappear again once your immediate need has passed.

Maybe Now Is the Time

Think about your professional relationships—have any of them quietly drifted?

Not everyone you have ever known. Just the two or three people whose names make you think: I really should get back in touch. If so, start reaching out today.

Until next time,

Laura Burford

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